nolechica

Just got back from Daphne and Birmingham. My mother never learns. Do not try to buy shoes for me without my feet there. She did get me a gift certificate to Old Navy, as I needed skinny jeans before I tried on boots (flashback to riding boots and jodhpurs). I decided to have her return the boots and I got a check to get the ones I wanted. Also, got a Victoria's Secret card from grandma, the jeans and boots were also from them via my parents. As for visiting with Granny and Grandpa, I miss Granny, but Grandpa is much better sedated, even if he's sick. He's also ninety, so doing as well as can be expected. Not sure when I'll see them again since Charles and fiancee showed up. I got my graduation gift from him and thus have more money for Atlanta. Mom keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and I keep telling her help with my New Year's trip, but she's so into tangible stuff (see boots that don't fit) that it ruins my holiday. I don't care if I have less to open, really, I'm 28, not 8. I need to get Daddy to convey that to her while I figure out what to buy she who likes surprises. In addition to mom buying presents for me, I hate buying presents for her. It's impossible.

On the more ranting about mom, I think she bought my boots also because she doesn't trust me to be stylish. Even after I got yet another haircut and tried to find a workable style, my whole family still wants it straight. To the point of chemically straightening it. No, absolutely not. I don't even reliably cover gray, fuck straightening. I told Jeremy I don't really style it, so we tried working with waves. Now I want a diffuser. I like my hair wavy, and I don't care if they don't get it. Not sure when I'll get it cut next, but if Em and Mom bitch anymore I will absolutely lose it.

Also to add to family drama, the job hunt is going nowhere fast. I had an interview, but they left me feeling as if I was overqualified, which I am, but I have no choice. Can't get a teaching job and museum jobs are scarce. Plus, I'm still looking for jobs in Tallahassee and dying to move, either there or somewhere. My parents don't get that while I do understand there are money constraints, my money constraints are different than theirs or even Emily's. Plus, I don't think they'll ever understand how highly I value independent living. I don't like roommates, much less clingy roommates, and Sara gets very clingy. Anyway, didn't mean to go there, but it's been a rough week.

Ugh, my Master's degree may be a gigantic waste of time. Not only can I not find a job, I'm trapped in a house so far from my volunteer opportunity as to potentially make it not feasible. I contacted the people at the historical district downtown, and I can work with the archivist, but it's two buses and a twenty minute walk from the nearest stop. So much that could go wrong. However, it's a $20 cab ride one way, which is at least $80 a week, as I'm not only volunteering once a week, that's no good for my resumé or my sanity. I need museum experience so that I'm not only looking for teaching jobs. I am still looking for anything I can get at FSU or in Tallahassee because I would kill to go back. At least there I wouldn't feel trapped. I need to revisit my CareerBuilder searches and revise my PeopleFirst search to full-time jobs. As I'm now going stir crazy enough to want any job in a city not on the Gulf Coast, unless a job in NOLA appeared.

I like my alone time, but not having a car leaves me feeling trapped often enough. Like this weekend when Sara was at her aunt's house, my parents were in Auburn, and I was stuck here with the cat who hasn't figured out that my room is off limits. This means that the door is closed 24/7, which makes me feel even more trapped. I mentioned this to Sara as I want a way to keep her out and leave the door open, even if I have to get a fucking baby gate or some shit. I really don't want to have to move to Daphne, but I may have to if volunteering doesn't work out. Oh, and my parents should be congratulated on both succeeding in making me cry about my job situation this week. They just don't get it. I'm desperate enough to use an address that's not mine to make getting a job easier.

I hate hormones. Today was complete meltdown day. First, I told my mom that I need to move and not pursue a history job and look for jobs away from the Gulf Coast. I'm not qualified for teaching or museum work and until I know how to get around that, I'm stuck. I'm talking to Crystal at Voc Rehab tomorrow to restructure my resumé. Second meltdown was trivial, but still hurt. Folding laundry that was being unpacked, I discovered two shirts missing, weirdly, they're two shirts Sara has duplicates of, but anyway, they're ones I like to go out in. Going to Daphne this weekend to drop off the apartment key and try to find them. Also forgot that a polo had been hung in my closet instead of folded. So many clothes. I hope I find the shirts.

Oh and on a semi-random note, having a roommate is weird. Having a roommate I feel compelled to spend time with is weirder. We've been watching lots of random tv since I haven't watched much tv in ages, and my shows are on hiatus. It's taking some adjusting, but I don't know how it'll work out in the long run.

I feel like blogger fail. So much has happened recently. I'm finishing my paper and trying to find a job. Getting stuck on the Cenotaph section. Talked to the caseworker today at GA Voc Rehab to set up a more narrow search. DC and Boston are now first priority and I'm looking at the West Coast myself. Heard back from Lindsay today and I might start with Portland. As such, for now, moving to Pensacola and trying not to go crazy.

On a happier note, I finally got my tattoo, which is almost healed. I'll post pix later as the ones I floated on Twitter were bad and shiny. It's a heart in black with shading with the FS and feather logo in the center, F and feather are black, S is garnet. It's been over two weeks, but it still itches.

And a note to self: Seizure on July 18th at 2:30am.

What a week. I started applying for jobs again because I don't want to have to move to Mobile in August. Also, I'd like to have some pleasure money that I don't feel guilty about. Trying to compile a concert fund without a job sucks. Unfortunately, my parents aren't on the same page with me or each other about my job search. I finally had to tell Daddy that I'd quit telling about my job search if I was going to get bitched at for it. I'm tempted to just completely let go and tell them what I really think of the threat of moving to Mobile. It legitimately makes me cry to think about, every time. I'm 27 and don't want to live at home. It may save them money, but it won't help me find a job, and won't help family relations, at all. There's very little cab service on the Eastern Shore, so working there won't be easy, unless I can walk. Where as here I can work wherever as long as I get paid enough to afford cab fare. In addition to revamping the resume and renewing the job search, I contacted Georgia Voc Rehab to give Terri an update and restart the job search on that end. As I think they have to find me a job to close my case after graduation. She now knows that I've switched my degree again, have a comps date, and am moving out on the day of my graduation, talk about adding insult to injury. I've already told my dad I need him here with boxes by Thursday or moving out on Saturday won't be feasible. Especially since I may be an emotional wreck on graduation day depending on who shows up. Honestly, the thought of falling apart in front of Bryan and Tina isn't appealing, if they even come. Not even sure how many tickets I get though, so that may be a moot point. I'm honestly hoping I find a job some way some how before August though, even if it's not here. And soon, I can't take many more tears.

Got a phone call at 11:00 tonight from my dad end a slightly hellacious couple of days on the thesis front. I am officially not actually graduating at the end of this semester. I say actually because I have to format, revise and defend my thesis in the next few weeks, but it'll be after the deadline for Fall graduation. I'm just glad Gray decide today on mid-November instead of the early December idea he had Thursday. I need to be done by Thanksgiving so that I can enjoy New Orleans and the album I will be inflicting on Sara unless she wants me in my own little world. She did like the first single, whose debut was the only thing that kept me from crumbling after both parents reduced me to tears last night. Do they know how much it kills me to be bitched at about money when I just got another job rejection from the temp agency and haven't worked since January? There are some things beyond my control, unless they want to let evil Kate play hardball with a neurologist, or have they forgotten part of why I moved to Florida to begin with? Anyway, hopefully being in touch with a temp agency will net me some actual money soon that is not the result of a cap and gown refund.

Ok, game tomorrow, no game last weekend, guess it's time to relive the Georgia Tech game. I swear to God, if we don't find a defense soon, we'll lose Homecoming and get plastered by Florida. We spent the entire FSU/GT game playing what Sara dubbed musical endzones. Meaning we'd score, then they'd counter. The entire first half. We were lucky to be up at half 35-28, but that didn't last long, as they received to open the half, and had tied the game before the 13:00 mark. GT took the lead just before the quarter ended at 42-38, but we ended up losing 49-44. Scoring 44 points is evidence that the offense isn't the problem for the first time this decade, but we now have our worst record in probably two decades at 2-4 and the head of the Board of Trustees is calling for Bobby's head on a silver platter. There were signs at the game supporting him, but the students seem to be divided. Personally, I think it's his call when he retires, and calling for him to step down won't expedite the process. Bobby's scared to retire because of what happened to Bear and I hate to think that's why he's stayed so long, but I know that's at least part of it.

As far as the rest of life, my thesis is finished and sent to the committee. First revisions and defense to come. So damn happy to have the thing written. Kinda scared of what Gray will do to it. Hoping it's not much, as I still have citations to insert. Ordering my cap and gown this week as well, graduation's finally starting to seem real. I don't have a permanent job lined up, but a temp agency called and I might be making phone calls for the Muscular Dystrophy Association for their next fundraiser. That interview was fun, much of it was 20 questions about my rings, a claddagh, gecko, and kokopelli, the latter of which is great fun to explain. Oh, and since when do I turn my room inside out looking for boot socks and get mad when I read the mail. First thing on the inside of my Vera catalog? An espresso clutch, which I desperately need, as I have no dressy brown purse. Since when did I care about this? Where is my jeans, t-shirt, no bags self? And can I have here back? I put on a ribbed turtleneck sweater and boots with my jeans and full jewelry to go to the library and write because I planned to go to the on-campus Chilis to celebrate when I finished. I finished, I went, I didn't get carded, but the Pats game wasn't on when I got there. Still not sure why I dressed up.

My body hates me. I had a partial seizure about an hour ago. I think I missed a dose somewhere, but am too close to needing more Keppra and Carbatrol to be able to compensate right now. This means that my plan to write my entire conclusion today may not happen. However, I did finish the intro from Hell on Tuesday. Haven't heard back from Gray since I e-mailed it to him though. Hoping to meet with him Monday, so we can finalize my defense. I'd like to be able to look for a job more thoroughly. Did apply for two positions this week not really expecting that to pay off though. I need a job soon though or I have to move to Mobile and sublet after graduation, the thought of which breaks my heart. :'(

On a lighter note, my journal's been public for ages, but I have a question for my readers. Would friends locking it change the likelihood of commenting on entries for any of you? I don't mean to sound like a comment whore, but I get so few comments that I can't even tell who reads my stuff.

I think I jinxed myself with my happy thesis update. Friday the shit hit the fan, to put it mildly. I am now not graduating until Fall. I thought I had a committee in place, but I learned I didn't after I did as Dr. Gray suggested and sent my chapters to the committee members I thought I had. Turns out only Dr. Gray had signed my Program of Study. McMahon returned it unsigned after we exchanged e-mails and the advisers never talked to Creswell. Fortunately, Creswell was understanding when we met today. I told him that Gray never explained committee procedure to me that I'd relied on Anne and Chris for that. He explained procedure and I set in motion the graduating in Fall e-mails, such as canceling Summer graduation. Now I need to find a lease for Fall. On the upside, I know where I'll be for wedding event commutes and football season.

Also involved were two conversations with Daddy, which I felt bad about right before Father's Day. Friday, I called him crying because my thesis defense had fallen apart and I'd gotten a rejection e-mail for a job I really wanted. He didn't understand the pressure I've been feeling since being jobless since January. Especially since my power, phone, and internet have been cut off at different times and I feel guilty about not being able to pay for any of that. He told me I'd have to commute from Mobile for my defense, which made things worse. Saturday, he called me and apologized, saying that Emily had been given a grace period to find a job, and I would to, so I'm here until December with his blessing. He does want me to finish my thesis this summer though, so I can job search in the Fall, which I can do.

Just what I didn't need, the note on my door about renewing my lease, which I'd very much like to do but can't. I need a job here first. And I have until May to find one or I can't renew my lease, as my parents don't want me to get a year-long lease. On the job front, I sent my paperwork to GA Voc Rehab so they can start the job search that will close my case with them. I'm hoping they have connections with state or federal agencies that I don't. As I'm still not sure what my educational future holds, I'm not sure where I want to move. I know I need residence in a state, so living in DC won't work, even though working there would be fab. And I'm not sure what job I'm really looking for. If I can't get an archivist/museum job, I'd probably have to teach high school before I could get a community college job, which I'm not sure is worth leaving Tally for. Trying to finish a thesis with an unclear future and no current job is stressing me out. Add to this Sara not understanding my freaking out about possibly missing the Garnet and Gold game (I'll be here), as it's my last sure event in Doak for a while. Her family tickets mean that she gets at least one game a year while I have to figure out how I'm going to have time to come back for a game and where to get tickets if I leave Tallahassee. As much as I thought I'd want to leave Tallahassee when I was done with school, I'm not sure I want to now, unless something damn near perfect presents itself.